1. I know what you deal with now because I've had (insert minor ailment here) this week.
No, no you don't. Having the flu or a minor surgery is not the same as having a chronic illness. Here's the big difference, you get better from those things and chronic illness never goes away. While I appreciate the attempt to relate to me, you are trivializing my illness. Just stop. Until you've been sick day in and day out for years upon years you do not know what you are talking about.
2. Maybe if you did this (insert crazy diet or expensive product here) you would get better.
You don't think I want to get better? You don't think I've tried a million different things to see if anything makes even an iota of difference? Guess what, I've tried lots of different things and the only thing I have to show for it is less money. I'm not a millionaire, there are an unending amount of "cures" out there for my condition. If they actually worked more people would know about them so please stop taking advantage of sick people by claiming your organic goats milk from Timbuktu that costs $399 a month (for 3,000 months) is a cure.
3. You probably need to exercise more, exercise always makes me feel better
Most exercise does not work for me, all it does is increase my pain level and make me more miserable. I walk two miles a day four days a week and it accomplishes nothing. It actually negatively impacts my health, but doctors could care less about that and I have to do what they want to get their assistance. It would be much better for my body to just do yoga, but what works best for my body isn't the priority for anyone else.
4. Lyme Disease and Fibromyalgia aren't real
How nice for you, I'm so glad you have the luxury of pretending that these diseases are not real. I hope nothing bad ever happens to convince you otherwise. You currently have the luxury of convincing yourself that you are right, someday you may not have that luxury. It's also not my job to prove to you my disease is real so if you want to pretend I'm crazy go ahead, but I will not be dealing with you any longer.
5. You can do anything you can set your mind to
I'm so glad you've been able to accomplish everything you've ever desired, but that is able bodied privilege. All your successes are based on privilege you have of a working body. Having a working body is not a guarantee in life, there are many who are limited by what their body can do. I'm glad your body works like it's supposed to, but mine doesn't. I can't do whatever I feel like because my body will stop me if I don't treat it a certain way. I can push through to a certain degree, but because my body doesn't work right there are always consequences. The more I push the more damage I do to my body.
6. You just need a positive attitude
I don't disagree that a positive attitude can get you a long way, but a good attitude can not fix something that is broken. A positive attitude helps me to cope with my illnesses but it is not a cure. I cannot wish my health problems away with my attitude.
7. You're just being lazy
You're right. I just love sitting around and missing out on all the fun. I love sitting on the couch in pain and misery, it's always been my life goal and now I've achieved it! Who needs friends or a social life when you can sit at home by yourself.
Man, sometimes I really wish I lived near you so I could come play with your kids and mop your floor and open cans and watch cozy movies with you. I miss you, Shelley!
ReplyDeleteSo here's a question: what can those of us at a distance do to help other than remind you that you are awesome and a resilient woman and thanks for being real about your life so we know what's going on?
Thanks for your awesome comment, I actually think you nailed it! Just being supportive with words goes really far. The people who I rely on the most are the ones who remind me that I'm still an awesome person despite my limitations. I was talking to a friend of mine who recently had surgery and how she was having a hard time recovering and I wished I could do more to help. She pointed out the emotional support I gave her was just as important as the physical support. That was a light bulb moment for me!
Delete#3 is one that has been bugging me lately. Healthy people often tell me how great all exercise is for everyone. This may be true for people who have the able bodied privilege. (awesome term by the way Shell) While certain kinds of limited exercise can be helpful for me, pushing more and more can actually do real damage to my already damaged body. When I have to spend 2 hours recovering from the exercise I've just done, that is not helpful. (Recovering = lying on couch or bed in too much pain to move or do anything besides breathe and blink my eyelids.) Ok, rant over :)
ReplyDeleteSo true. I get really bugged by how people go on and on about how anyone can exercise if they want to. Exercise doesn't do any good if it takes you two days in bed doing nothing to recover. Since I've been walking more I'm assuming my legs are getting stronger, but I also have to take more pain medication. So what's more important, me exercising or me cutting my pain medication? Because I'm not supposed to be taking medication, I'm supposed to control the pain with my mind!
DeleteNot sure if my comment went through??
ReplyDeleteI so agree with these and had to smile as I have had them all said to me over the years. I could add a few too - like when my son in law said he would pay for an operation to fix my bad hips! ??
ReplyDeleteYikes! If only it were that easy.
Delete#2 Drives me absolutely CRAZY! It is relentless and I have already tried SO many things! BUT I get desperate and start wondering if Essential Oils (or EFT or liquid vitamins or this other thing) will fix it or will just help, even a little bit. It doesn't of course and like you say, all I get is less and less money.
ReplyDelete