Health vs chronic illness
Healthy People: I'm so tired from staying up late last night
Chronically Ill: I'm so tired from lying on the couch all day
Healthy people: I hate working, it would be amazing to stay home all day doing nothing
Chronically Ill: I'd give anything to be able to work.
Healthy people: I'm so excited about going out tonight!
Chronically ill: Okay, if I want to go to the party I have to cancel all the plans the day before and the day after. Do I have any doctors appointments? No, I'm okay. Is there anything I have to be at in the time frame? No, okay I might be able to go if I rest up. I wonder if there is an elevator or if I have to climb the stairs? Is the parking lot a long ways away from the building? Note: check website to make sure there is convenient parking. If the parking is close, I might be able to go as long as nothing else comes up and my body co-operates.
Healthy people: Why can't you get up off the couch?
Chronically ill: Why can't you try to understand that my body doesn't work the way yours does? It's not for lack of wanting that keeps me here.
Healthy people: I'm never sick because I exercise and try to eat right. I don't even need health insurance!
Chronically ill: I haven't had sugar, gluten, or dairy in years and I'm still sick. I wish I could fix my health with my diet, but it's rarely that easy.
Healthy people: Why do you only think about yourself?
Chronically ill: I'm in so much much pain and I'm so exhausted it's all I can do to survive and yet it's not enough for you. I wish you knew what it felt like to fight this fight.
Healthy people: Why aren't you exercising more? If you exercised you wouldn't have health problems.
Chronically ill: Every time I exercise it puts me in bed for three days straight.
Healthy people: Anyone who takes regular pain killers is an addict.
Chronically ill: I have to take pain killers just to survive. I wouldn't be able to function at all without the occasional lowering of my pain. If you could take the burden of my pain for one minute you would end up in the ER begging for relief.
Healthy people: I don't even have a doctor because only old people get sick!
Chronically ill: I have four different doctors for the four parts of my malfunctioning body and I have to see each one of them every three months. I spend my life juggling doctors appointments and dealing with indifferent doctors offices and ignorant pharmacists.
Healthy people: If you really wanted to feel better you would try harder.
Chronically ill: I've tried so many things and spent so much money and nothing works. There is no cure for my condition, I can only cope.
I can totally relate to each & every one of these points. When I first got ill, one of the older girls kept telling me that I had to keep trying to get better by my 12th birthday, which became my 13th birthday, etc. I knew my condition wasn't a lack of trying on my part & appreciated that she didn't like seeing me poorly so it didn't phase me at the time, especially as doctors were still trying to figure out what was wrong. I've become less tolerant to it as I've gotten older & each diagnosis. I don't need false hope or judgement, none of us do. We need understanding & I'm very lucky that I have so many amazing family members, friends & doctors who do just that. I wish all those with chronic illness had the support system I do. Xx
ReplyDeleteTania | When Tania Talks
You're exactly right, we all just need a little more understanding.
DeleteA little more understanding goes a very long way. It seems most people would rather be right than be kind. I have ME/ CFS and had it since I was 13 and have both kind and understanding people and harsh judgemental people in my life. I am thankful for this blog and these comments. I shared this and posted my comments on Facebook.
ReplyDelete"I'm not below anybody I know if there's a chance of resurrecting a love-
I'm not above going back to the start to find out where the heartache began" -An Innocent Man Billy Joel
I know a man who would always apologize even if he didn't do anything wrong just to make me feel better. He somehow knew it was better to be kind than to be right. He understood there was pain and it came from nowhere at times. The way a person feels always trumps who's more correct in the argument. There were relationships I had where that other person world rather see me hurt and writher and die before his eyes before he would ever admit to any error on his part even while I was in the bitterest of emotional or physical pains. This is my current challenge.
What's wrong with apologizing when you've not done anything wrong anyway!?
Seek to understand, not to exert your mark on others.
So much love for your comment Michelle!
DeleteBrilliant post. So accurate it's painful and yet it made me laugh out loud. I have thought so many times to myself 'Are you actually for real? Did I hear you right"? It helps to know I am not alone. I am sorry for your suffering though. Glad to have found you. You have a gift of expressing yourself so well.
ReplyDeleteThank you Lisa!
DeleteEvery single one of those are true. It makes me want to cry. It also makes me extremely happy to know that there are people out there that understand. I am currently in a fog and it is incredibly draining. I wish I was normal.
ReplyDeleteI wish I were normal too. It's been so long, I don't even remember what it's like anymore. *solidarity*
DeleteThanks for sharing this--it's helpful to have a good response for those folks who just don't get it. And while we wouldn't want them to feel what we go through, that's really the only way to truly understand the daily struggle of being in pain, having no muscle strength, etc.
ReplyDeleteThe additional comment I get is--"But you went to x last time; why not today?" They have no understanding of the day-to-day changes we go through. Yes, three weeks ago (or yesterday, or this morning), I was able to do that x, but not today.
Again, thanks for sharing--prayers and love to you! :) sdo
Yes, it is so hard to explain any changes! I know people think I'm faking when I make it to some things, but not others.
Delete