Having a chronic illness can quickly become overwhelming and it gets even more complicated when it's an invisible chronic illness. When your illness is invisible people assume that you are okay and they have no problem asking things of you. Because of this one of the most important things to remember is "just say no." Here are four things to keep in mind when it comes to saying no:
1. Focus on yourself first
It's hard to say no. It's hard to turn people down, but when you're sick you need to focus on yourself first. You can't help anyone if you are not helping yourself. If you are ignoring your well being to do things for others it will catch up with you, probably fairly quickly, and you will pay for it. It is okay to be selfish.
2. Don't feel like you owe someone an explanation
When we tell someone no we often feel like we have to justify ourselves. Don't. You do not have to justify your illness. It is your life and your body and you don't owe anyone an explanation. The justification for not being able to meet everyone's needs is that you have a chronic illness, period. No other explanation is needed.
3. Be firm in your decision
Often someone will try to talk you out of your decision. They view their need as greater than yours. You may start to think that it's true, but it's not. Your health is more important than someone elses last minute emergency. Don't give in if you feel that you truly cannot do something. You know your body better than anybody else. You know what you are capable of.
4. Don't feel guilty
Guilt is the hallmark of chronic illness. We feel guilt about everything. You are going to feel guilty when you have to say no, don't. You are important. You are doing all you can to take care of yourself and it is not your fault that you can't help someone else. It is out of your hands. None of this is your fault.
Hi Shelley, I hear ya! I recently had to take the position with my family that "I've given you the best years of my life, now it's time for me." The guilt is very difficult to deal with but I just keep repeating this statement of fact. Wishing you a good week ahead. :)
ReplyDeleteYes! That's exactly what I've had to learn to say. I have to take care of myself first.
DeleteGuilt is my worst emotion, that idea that I'm letting someone down, or worse I often feel guilty that I am letting myself down. Everything seems frought with guilt. It's a battle I constantly struggle with.
ReplyDeleteMe too. I've often wish I could get rid of the whole emotion, I'm always feeling guilty about something. Responsibility is stamped on my DNA and it's annoying.
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