This is an update on a I wrote a post a few years ago "I'm jealous of you."
If you can have a normal social life... I'm jealous of you.
If you can maintain normal friendships with give and take...I'm jealous of you.
If your ability to function is not based on whether or not the pharmacy will fill your prescription... I'm jealous of you.
If you don't constantly worry about medical expenses... I'm jealous of you.
If people don't treat you like your invisible... I'm jealous of you.
If you've never heard "if you would just get off the couch you'd feel better"... I'm jealous of you.
If you don't have to base your whole life around your health... I'm jealous of you.
If you wake up every day feeling refreshed...I'm jealous of you.
If you don't think you need medical insurance because you're young and "never get sick"... I'm jealous of you.
If you can work... I'm jealous of you.
If you think illness can be controlled by just eating the right foods... I'm jealous of you.
If you still think that doctors are able to help sick people... I'm jealous of you.
If you've never been told "it's all in your head"... I'm jealous of you.
If you don't get referred to in a whispered voice as someone you know, she has those "health problems"... I'm jealous of you.
If you don't feel like you constantly have to defend your lack of achievements due to your health... I'm jealous of you.
There is no magic switch you can flip that turns off your hopes and dreams when you get a chronic illness. It's a cycle of grieving that you go through again and again. Most of the time I'm fine, I've accepted things, I'm making new goals, and I'm okay with the way things are. Sometimes something happens to remind me of the life I lost and I go through the cycle of grieving all over again. I don't think jealousy is something that will ever go away. The important thing is that it is something that I need to work on and not let it get in the way of relationships.
Key - "The important thing is that it is something that I need to work on and not let it get in the way of relationships." We've got to just experience these types of emotions and let them go. It's so easy to get so focused on what others have/ can do/ etc that that's all we think of, when what we really need to focus on is ourselves and what we can do/ do have /etc.
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