I've been absent from the blogging world for the past week because I restarted antibiotics and they make me feel terrible. I go back and forth on whether or not antibiotics are a good idea. On one hand I was functioning much better without them, on the other hand I was exhibiting early basic Lyme symptoms that need to be dealt with. A big part of me wants to live in denial and just chuck the antibiotics.
The past week has made me realize how well I was functioning before even though I didn't think I was doing all that great. A week of having no energy sure took its toll on my house and even my diet (it's a lot easier to eat healthy when you have the energy to cook). I've also been stuck around the house more which really makes me grumpy and irritable. I don't think I've been all that fun to be around this week.
It's been really frustrating to try to keep up a busy schedule while I'm feeling much worse then I have in a long time. A lot of what happens in my house falls on me and I didn't realize how much I was doing until I couldn't do it anymore. Suddenly there wasn't a lot of food in the house because I hadn't been able to go to the store. Suddenly no one had any clean clothes. Suddenly there were no clean dishes because no one else bothers to put their dishes in the dishwasher. Several people called because they needed help with various things and I was unable to help (which made me feel terrible). I'm going to have to reprogram myself *again* to realize that I can't do everything otherwise I'll fall apart. I dread doing it because it's so hard for other people to understand why sometimes I'm fine and other times I'm not. Blerg, but that's life. It's just another cycle in the chronic illness roller coaster.
It's interesting how we can see "holy crap, I was doing better than I thought!" when our health takes another hit downward, eh? This happens to me at periodic intervals, but I can't seem to ever get back to where I was previously. I'm just on this descending stairway, sadly… But oh my goodness sister, PREACH about how hard it is to eat healthy when you feel like crap!!! That is something that I struggle with oh SO VERY much. I'm in too much pain and don't have enough energy to stand there and cook, much less do all the prep work for the meal AND the cleanup afterward. I just can't. So I eat as healthy as I can with quick stuff, but it's really hard because I have all of these food allergies so I can't just make an omelette or something. It's super frustrating, and I feel your pain.
ReplyDeleteIt must be much more difficult for you, though, because you have people relying on you, whereas it's just me who suffers if I can't get something done. That's gotta be a lot of mental pressure. I wish you luck in your "reprogramming" and in any delegating that you choose to do.